Everlasting Scent of the Falling Rain
by SoundlessEchoes
Summary: AU - KB : Rain. What is rain? Simple waterdrops falling from the sky above to prevent dryness... or something more? She lived to hate it, but he lived because of it...
1. Fate

A/N : Hi!! This is the first fanfiction I've ever posted at ff.net but not the first one I've written keke I wrote this story first without assigning any anime characters as the leads. After much thoughts, I decided to use Botan and Kurama, you'll see why as you read on *grins* I probably have to warn you that the story might or does contain OOCness lolz Anyways, enough with the babbling heheh Enjoy ^_^

Disclaimer : I wish I owned Kurama, Botan and Yu Yu Hakusho but nope… *sniff*

**  
Snow Dust Petals Beneath the Falling Rain  
Chapter 1******

Loudly and endlessly they kept tapping against the freezing pane like an impatient individual demanding for a shelter to get away from the unpleasant weather... They yearned to get inside, to draw her attention to them even though they knew that they were hated... that she never welcomed them... They were only freezing raindrops falling from the sky up above to make her shiver out of coldness... They knew they were despised for a reason... but then, it didn't stop them to wish and to hope... that someday, instead of hitting the windows of her house violently... they will softly hit that flawless skin of hers... Like they knew, like they heard and like they saw... their demanding hits became softer and softer until they turned completely soundless when each of her graceful steps drew her near the window... 

Her long snowy dress trailed behind her as she moved towards the window. She pushed the curtains aside and sighed at the sight of outside. She sat on the wooden bench that was placed just underneath the window and rested her arm on its frame. Looking through the invisible glass, she remained still as thoughts flooded her mind. 

She was getting desperate with each passing day because of her mother's condition. Her efforts searching for a cure proved useless until this day. Every time she would tend to her mother's needs, every time she would cry afterwards. For the first time in so many years, living here, in the middle of nowhere enraged her. Never had she complained before about being cut off from the world of technology, of civilization. All she needed was her mother, a house and a roses garden, a place where she spent most of her time. It was no wonder that the surroundings of the house were filled with roses' scent and the reason of her white attire. 

She pressed the palm of her hand against the cold pane and felt a shiver ran up her spine. She immediately retrieved it and frowned. 

"Stupid rain... I hate you..." she muttered under her breath, talking like it were actually a human being. "Why am I even here looking at you anyways?" she got up abruptly and quickly walked away and as soon as she disappeared behind her mother's bedroom door, the once soundless rain turned insane... 

She closed the door carefully, trying not to disturb her mother's rest when a faint voice called out her name... 

"Botan..." 

Botan quickly turned around and went to her mother's side "Okaasan... did Botan wake you up? Botan is sorry..." she apologized as she helped her mother getting into a sitting position.

The elderly woman smiled slightly "No sweetie you didn't..." 

She placed a pillow behind her back "Are you thirsty okaasan?" she asked and her mother nodded. 

As Botan poured water in a glass and brought it to her mother's lips, she said "Okaasan, I'm going to return in the forest tomorrow" 

She pushed the glass away slowly and took her daughter's hand in hers "Botan... how many times have I told you to stop searching? It is no use" 

"I'll keep searching until I find a cure okaasan. You will recover" she smiled and went into her mother's embrace. 

Her mother forced a smile and lowered her eyes sadly... 

~

She cupped her daughter's face in her hands and stared at her lovely face with a smile "You are so beautiful Botan... it is a shame that I am the only one who can see you" 

Botan smiled "Why would I need other people to see me when I will stay with you for the rest of my life?" 

The woman laughed lightly but quickly turned away when she started to cough. She released her daughter and placed a hand on her chest. A worried expression quickly took over Botan's once joyful one. 

"Rest okaasan, don't talk too much. I'll be back before it gets dark" Botan spoke as she brought the blanket up to her mother's chin. She turned to leave when Mrs. Kongying grabbed her wrist. "Yes okaasan?" 

"I love you honey" she whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek. 

Worried and confused, Botan knelt down in front of her mother and wiped her tear away "Okaasan what's wrong? Why are you crying?" 

She smiled and shook her head "Nothing sweetie... now go before the sun gets too high" 

Even though she was not convinced by her mother's words, Botan nodded. She kissed her cheeks "I love you very much okaasan" her lips curved into a lovely smile. With those words, she left quietly not aware of her mother's endless tears that had streamed down her face sorrowfully... 

~

Botan wiped the sweat off her forehead with her sleeve and looked up at the shining sun. She had been walking for half a day now and all she could find were useless herbs. She went to sit under a tree taking the branches and leaves as a shield, blocking the sunrays. 

"At least it's not raining..." 

After a good rest, she continued her journey under the beaming sun. The day passed by quickly and the next thing she knew, the sun had set. She was on her way back home when the cloudy sky suddenly began to roar loudly. Her eyes moved upwards towards the sky. It was more than clear that it would start to rain any time soon. She didn't know what to do next. Run home through the rain or try to find a shelter? She finally decided to stay under a tree even though she knew it wasn't a good place, but it was better than run in the rain after being exposed to the sun all day. In less than a minute, the rain started to pour heavily. Botan tried to stay dry but the bottom of her dress was already wet and dirty because of the raindrops that had hit the earth, making mud splashed on her outfit. She waited patiently hoping that the rain will stop soon but then, things went against her will unexpectedly. The forest was calm, only the melody of the falling rain could be heard but soon, the owls' hooting and the wolves' howling joined in. Startled, Botan jumped lightly and scanned her eyes everywhere. Never had she stayed alone in the forest long enough to hear such noises at night and it somehow frightened her...

"Please rain stop soon..." she begged silently and closed her eyes shut, hoping that the sounds would fade away. 

Her wish was only answered by rustling noises nearby. She completely froze "Is... i-s... any-one th-th-there?" she listened for a response but... nothing. "Must be my imagination..." she sighed but the noises came back and they seemed to be closer and louder. 

Without much further thoughts she started to run, not caring in which direction she was going. All that mattered was to get away from that thing back there. She ran and ran, through the forest... under the pouring rain... ignoring the tree branches that hit her face, scratched her skin... She was soaking wet from head to toe and even though her legs told her that they couldn't bring her any further, her mind still raced for her dear life... 

Misfortune was on her side as she tripped over a log that sent her flying over the small cliff that she was never aware of... A cry of fear and surprise was released as her fragile body hit against the ground and rolled down the mount, dirtying all her body length and messing up her hair along the way... It seemed like an eternity to her, but all she could do was closed her eyes shut and hoped that something will finally stop this nightmare... She felt her body slammed against something hard and before her head collided with the tree trunk, her ears didn't fail to hear the faint melody that was played in the background...


	2. Stranger

A/N : Thank you for the reviews!! ^_^ It made koishii very happy heheh Here's the next chapter for you guys!!

Disclaimer : I'm not rich, am I? Keke

**Snow Dust Petals Beneath the Falling Rain  
Chapter 2**

No longer held back by the unwanted slumber, she tossed and turned before her eyes fluttered open to absorb the early morning sunlight after what seemed like a century. She could feel a terrible headache kicking in as she brought her hand to her forehead. The piece of white cloth that was wrapped around her head was noticeable under her touch. Her brows furrowed in confusion and her eyes began to study the unfamiliar place. 

"This is not my room... where am I?" 

She got into a sitting position and the blanket that covered her body slid down. Her eyes moved downwards and she gasped shockingly. The dress that was on her wasn't the same she wore the day she left her house. The only answer that came to her mind was enough to make her heart pound abnormally. "This can't be happening!" she cried nervously. In less than a second, she was on her feet and walking towards the closed door. Her fingers closed firmly around the knob and with a little turn and pull, the door opened... offering her a breathtaking view of Mother Nature's wild creations. In awe, she took little steps forward as her eyes witnessed the true beauty of nature. 

The tall and young trees... the birds flying and chirping above her head... the green of the leaves and grass... the wild flowers growing... the butterflies dancing... As she took a deep breath of fresh air, she made sure that the scenery reflected itself in her eyes so that it will forever remained among her memories... Never once since she stepped outside, had her eyes really stopped in front of her to notice the white figure facing the lake... 

I knew she had awakened and was standing just behind me. I lived here long enough to not only trust my eyes but all my senses. She must be busy admiring the landscape to even notice my presence. No rush... I had all my time in the world... I folded my arms and waited patiently, gripping tightly on my flute... 

Botan smiled slightly and her eyes finally rested on the back of what seemed like a man before her... She tried to stay calm as she walked towards him but each of her steps showed nothing else than curiosity and nervousness... She came to a halt, keeping a good distance between them. Her lips parted slowly to finally ask the question that disturbed the peace of her mind since her eyes lay on him, "Who are you?" 

She felt herself holding her breath as each second revealed the face of a stranger who's intentions were still unknown to her... 

I turned to face her slowly and immediately saw her expression full of wonder. It amused me somehow but my face didn't show any of that... I moved toward her and I noticed that I will never get near her any time soon because she seemed to step back as soon as she felt her privacy being invaded... I stopped and stared at her without answering her question. 

Botan took another glance at her surroundings and swallowed the lump in her throat "... Where am I?" 

"What were you doing unconscious in my property?" I answered her question by another. 

His voice was soft and gentle but yet, showed a sign of authority and order. If her attention wasn't centered on his tone and expressionless face, she would have believed that he was the perfect representation of the Prince Charming that was in every girl's dreams. He wasn't too tall nor too short, just perfect for a man's height. His white suit seemed to be made especially for him as it clashed with his red bright hair and his facial features... Botan was almost sure that she could be easily pulled into the depth of his emerald green eyes and effortlessly be drawn to his lips... but then, his straight posture and expression were enough to crush her thoughts.

I drew myself nearer and she didn't seem to notice as she stood at the same spot. Without flinching, I added "Do you know what happens to the careless people who dare to venture into my property?" 

Botan shook her head slowly like a little girl, her eyes still glued to his face. Somehow... she couldn't find her voice to speak. 

"They never return back to where they came from" I replied. That simple line worked its magic as I saw her reaction. 

Her jaw dropped "No! I can't stay here! You can't keep me as your prisoner! I have to go back!" 

I turned my back to her carelessly "You shouldn't have wander here in the first place. It's too late now" 

"It wasn't my fault... please I beg you..." she got down on her knees and her face was now wet from fresh warm tears. 

"I have my rules onna. Don't think I will easily break them only by the sound of your pathetic pleads and worthless tears" 

Her face jerked up as his harsh words sunk deep into her mind. Botan slowly got back on her feet and clenched her fists as well as her teeth. No more tears were flowing down, but anger was rising up... 

I didn't hear anymore of her sobs and cries. I thought my words probably made her speechless but as soon as I faced her, I was confused and surprised. Standing before me was no longer the fragile girl I rescued who seemed not capable of hurting a fly, but a hot-tempered onna who was ready to burst. No words came out of my throat... I wanted to see what would be her next move. 

Without a warning, she raised her hand and slapped him hard across the face "This is for your harsh words" she spoke firmly. 

I haven't had the time to recover when my other cheek started to burn equally. 

"And that, it was for changing my clothes without my permission" those were her final words as she stormed back into the cabin and slammed the door shut. 

I stood motionless and stunned. I brought my hand to my cheek and rubbed it slowly. I was wrong, terribly wrong about that onna. Never in this lifetime would I ever think that a harmless creature could turn into a ferocious tiger in a matter of seconds. How dare she do that to me? I tightened my grip on my flute and walked in the direction of the cabin. She sure wasn't going to get away with it that easily. Two could play this game. 

Botan quickly wiped her tears away and buried her face in the pillow. She missed her mother so much but how will she be able to return when a heartless stranger is keeping her as his prisoner? "Okaasan..." she whispered against the soft material as fresh new tears found their way down her cheeks, soaking the pillow. 

I slowly opened the door and saw her... heard her. Her soft cries filled the room like gentle whispers brought by the wind. I stepped closer and crossed my arms, staring at her. 

Feeling a presence nearby, Botan jerked up and dried her tears as soon as she saw him "What do you want?"

  
  
"What are you crying for again? Don't you know you are soaking my pillow?" I asked, not very pleased. 

She was now fuming mad. Was he that heartless? She stood up abruptly "Why are you so cruel?!" 

"Cruel? What are you talking about onna?" 

"Arg! Not only you are cruel but also ignorant! And stop calling me onna!" 

I didn't understand what she was saying, but I could tell she was really mad. I turned my back to her "What gave you the idea that I changed your clothes?" 

A crimson red crept upon her cheeks "I am not stupid mister, and besides, you are the only human being here! How could you take advantage of me like that?" 

I couldn't help but let out a chuckle as I rotated my body to face her once again. I shrugged to her accusation and it only irritated her even more "Whatever you say onna" 

"I told you to stop calling me onna!! You are unbelievable!!" she lashed out and sat on the bed furiously. 

"Are you trying to break my bed? Go easy onna" with that loud thump she caused, I'm surprised it didn't break. 

"You!!" she got up and pointed a finger at me. 

I moved a step back and frowned "No pointing onna" 

"What are you made of?? Stone?? Get out!! Out!!" Botan cried as she picked the nearest object she could reach and threw it at him. 

I dodged it easily and a smile formed at the corner of my lips "Alright, I'm leaving but don't think it's because I am actually scared of you. I'm only afraid that my eardrums can't take much of your screeching onna" with that, I left. I could still hear her voice through the closed door and it somehow made me laugh. I stopped in my tracks and tried to remember the last time I laughed or smiled... When was it? I stared at the cabin in silence... How could that woman make me laugh so easily...? I immediately shook that thought away and brought my flute to my lips... It was the only way to empty my mind of all thoughts and worries... Worries? Since when have I started to worry?


	3. Knowledge

Disclaimer : I don't own any manga or anime keke

**Snow Dust Petals Beneath the Falling Rain  
Chapter 3**

Many thoughts flooded her restless mind, keeping her awake, forbidding her to sleep. Her eyes were cast upwards, toward the starry sky that was brightened up by the full moon's unique light. With a sigh, she strolled slowly toward the open window. Her palms hit against the wooden frame softly, following a steady rhythm. Her movements ceased when the lake was blocked from her view. She squinted her eyes through the darkness of the night to finally distinguish that the unwanted figure belonged to the ruthless man. She captured her bottom lip between her teeth as her forehead wrinkled into a frown. It didn't take much time for her to open the door and walk up to him from behind. She tried to make her steps soundless. She got down next to him and watched his sleeping face silently. Botan scratched her head in confusion. How could he sleep like this? His eyes were closed and his legs were folded, balancing his sitting position on the grass. She took the time to study his facial features once more. She was mesmerized by each curve and the enchanted moonlight glow that followed the glittering waves, reflecting on his face. She haven't noticed that he had opened his eyes and was now staring back at her... 

I knew the peace I sought was no longer going to establish in my soul as soon as a simple movement of my eyelids brought me to awakening. I pivoted my head to the side and my mind instinctively registered the womanly facial curves that were displayed before my eyes. How could I miss such unique amethyst eyes and blue hair? I didn't move nor speak, wondering what she was thinking or doing. The longer I stared, the bigger this weird sensation grew within me. I didn't understand what it was, but it was a feeling of discomfort and uneasiness. I cleared my throat unwillingly, causing her to jerk and moved back as her eyes cast downward. 

"I... I..." she stuttered, trying to find a good excuse, but failed to do so. 

"Where are your manners, onna? Don't you know it is impolite to stare and disturb a person's rest?" I spoke calmly. 

"You are such a weird person mister" 

I watched her face that was now colored with a beating red and smirked slightly "How weird?" 

Botan gulped at the obvious gentleness in his voice "Well-- who would sleep outside like this? In a SITTING POSITION?" she emphasized the last words and stood up, crossing her arms. 

"That is not weird. Every person has their own ways of doing things" I defended myself and turned my head away. "And this is how I rest" 

Finding no answers to retort back, she fumed with madness and picked up a little rock on the ground. She smiled devilishly and threw it at his back. Botan quickly ran back to the cabin, laughing like a little girl. 

When I looked behind me, she had already disappeared behind the door. I could still hear her giggling though, probably proud of what she had done. I didn't find it funny at all. How dare she? How could she? I rubbed my shoulder gently, where the rock hit me. It didn't hurt but... it was just an instinctive gesture... or... I don't know... My gaze dropped to the lake and a sigh escaped through my lips. Nothing was the same ever since she was here. How different it was from before? That was a question myself couldn't even find an answer to... I twirled my white flute between my fingers and closed my eyes, as a pure rose's scent filled my nostrils. Without further more delay, I brought it up to my lips and let my fingers worked its magic, playing the melody that would soothe my soul... 

Botan, who was ready to jump in bed, found herself being drawn to the window. Her ears took in the bewitching notes as her eyes stayed lock on the author of this one of a kind music of the heart. Her eyelids lowered beautifully to enjoy each precious second without any interruptions of her disturbing thoughts... 

~

Just as she thought she finally found the comfort and rest she needed in the land of unconscious illusions, she was snatched away by the harsh yet soft reality which was the sunrise accompanied by the gentle morning breeze that carried with it, the fresh scent of wild flowers that made their way uninvited through the open window... 

Botan let out an angry sigh and got out of bed forcefully, lazily. She dragged herself to the table, her eyes half-opened, half-closed. She sat on the bench and rested her head on her arm, which was placed on the table. Her eyelids lowered slowly but suddenly shot back open at the sound of the door being opened firmly. 

"Get up onna, the sun had rise" 

She gave him a glare but did not move from her position "I want to sleep. I couldn't close my eyes all night so be a gentleman and get out" 

"Up. Now!" 

It was only two words but each of them was pronounced fiercely, enough to send chills up her spine. 

"Fine fine fine" she stood up quickly and moved to stand before him. 

"What you need to freshen up is at the back of the cabin" 

Botan didn't move a muscle and continued to stare at him, challenging him. 

I wondered what she was up to this time. Why was she staring at me like this? I imitated her and stared intensely. 

She wanted to make him back off but now... she wasn't so sure anymore about who was going to lose. She looked into his mystic eyes, trying to pierce through the mirror to reach his soul but it was impossible... There was something strange about his eyes... something mysterious and perhaps... even dark? Her face started to burn hotly with an unknown reason as each second stretched longer and longer... Botan finally stepped back and stuck out her tongue at him before exiting the cabin, leaving a dumbfounded man behind. 

I blinked once... and twice. What was that all about? I frowned and turned to face the entrance to take a glimpse of her back disappearing to the backyard. I sighed and looked back into the cabin, where she spent the night. A sudden warmth filled me and I jerked at the intruding feeling that I never felt before... I clenched my fists nervously... not knowing what to do nor think... Why did strange things keep happening since she came here? Maybe it was a bad idea to keep her here after all... I closed my eyes and lowered my head in distress... 

"BOO!!" 

Unprepared for the sudden intrusion, I stumbled against the doorframe. 

Botan laughed heartily and held onto her stomach. She jumped up and down, celebrating her victory. "How was that mister? hahaha" 

I turned to her abruptly and adjusted my posture. Did she think she was still a five years old child? Anger flashed in my eyes and my hands curled up tightly into fists. 

She ceased every movement and started to regret what she did as soon as she saw what was reflected in the bottomless pools that were his eyes. She stepped backward every time he tried to inch closer. Fear started to invade her, as she didn't know what this stranger whom she didn't know the name yet, could do to her. She cursed herself for letting her playful nature took over. She put her hands up showing defeat as well as trying to keep a good distance between them... 

"L-Look mister, I'm sorry for making you angry... I did-didn't mean to..." 

I kept pacing towards her and looked pass her shoulder. I smirked. She was going to get a lesson. 

Botan panicked at the visible smirk on his face. He probably had some tricks up his sleeve. "Mister! Say something, you're scaring me! Don't tell me you--AHHHHHHHH!!" her scream echoed throughout the forest as she fell into the lake. 

I laughed loudly as she emerged back to the surface, soaking wet "Morning bath onna, it feels good doesn't it?" 

She pointed at me "YOU!!! How dare you!!! Ahhhhh, that's not fair!!" she yelled, hitting her palms against the water profusely. 

"It is fair. You made me look like a fool and now, I make you look like a drowning chicken" I grinned as I moved closer to the lake and knelt down. 

"I do not look like a chicken!! You-you jerk!! I hate you!!" she fumed angrily. 

I shrugged and it seemed to irritate her even more as I saw her nose flared with anger. 

"Jerk jerk jerk!!" she repeated continuously when his sudden closeness gave her an idea. She remained calm in the water and watched his brows furrowed in confusion. Her lips curved into a devilish smile and without a warning, she began to splash water on him "Drowning chicken eh? Calling me a chicken, now we'll see who will look like a wet polar bear!" 

"Stop it onna!!" I stood up and used my arms, trying to block the numerous water droplets splashing on me. I felt a firm tug at the bottom of my pants and the next thing I knew, I found myself underwater. 

Botan giggled and clapped her hands, watching him came back up and wiping his face. 

"Onna!!" I yelled at her. 

"Otoko!!" she laughed and grinned. 

She was beginning to get on my nerves. Never had I ever suffer such humiliation! The victorious expression on her face was getting annoying and without second thoughts, I grabbed her wrist, a gesture that took her by surprise and cut any sound that had threatened to be heard. I breathed against her face "If you dare to do such thing again, don't blame me if anything bad happens to you" I whispered fiercely through clenched teeth. 

Botan glanced at his fingers that were wrapped around her small wrist and moved her eyes back to his face... just an inch apart from hers. She swallowed hard and nodded slowly. She cast her eyes downward, finding it impossible to look at him any longer. 

My whole being began to relax slowly but my heart engaged into an abnormal beating pace. When I finally noticed the little distance that separated us, and my grip on her, I abruptly let go of her and quickly went back on shore. Something happened back there... whatever it was, I knew deep down it was something I shouldn't get acknowledge of... 

Her eyes followed him until he disappeared into the cabin and then wandered to her wrist, where he touched her... A touch that left a lingering feeling behind... A touch that she wanted to feel again... 

~ 

Nature never broke its laws as the sun continued to rise, the wolves never forgot to howl and the birds remembered to chirp. However, nothing had been disturbing Nature's sounds during the last couple of days... no humanly voices... only earthly movements... 

I've been avoiding her since that day... The day I broke my own rule of touching someone like her... I've been told that it would have an impact on my life... and it did... The only thing I didn't know was in which or what way it actually did... I looked up at the round and full moon above my head. I kept my eyes focus on the incredible light that could brighten up a whole planet... I began to wonder how Nature worked... I knew I was silly and I also knew... this was the first time this question came to my mind... I could feel I was beginning to change, for better or for worse? Personally, it was for worse... I wasn't prepared for any of this... and I couldn't accept it either... not now and maybe not ever... 

She watched him from inside... at his usual spot by the lake... but near a fire he made this time... The last days of silence had been very awkward for her but she didn't dare go up to him to ask for an explanation and the obvious fact that he had been avoiding her didn't help either... but tonight, she just had to talk to him, no matter what... She had to return home as soon as possible, this bad feeling kept growing within her each and every day and it frightened her. She took a deep breath and ventured outside, to where he was. 

I closed my eyes and heard her light footsteps drawing closer to me. They soon stopped and I could feel her presence right behind me. I did not utter a single word, as I had nothing to say to her... 

"Mister..." she found her voice to let the first word out softly, almost faintly. 

My hand that was rest on my knee, reacted suddenly at the sound of her voice. I quickly rolled it into a fist and breathed deeply. 

She decided to continue, knowing he wasn't going to provide an answer "I want to go home. My mother is waiting for me" she spoke straightly, keeping her sentences as short as possible. She glued her eyes to his rising figure and when she felt him turn around to face her, she kept her eyes at his chest level, not wanting to look at his face. She waited for a reaction from his part but... nothing. It frustrated her. **HE** angered her. "Say something for Kami-sama's sake!! You're not a stone statue!!" Her chest was rising slowly with each steady breath she took. "Just let me go alright?! You don't even want to talk to me nor see me so what's the use of keeping me here?!" she lashed out, and finally looked up at his cold and expressionless face. "I hate you!! I hate you and your damn cold attitude!!" she pushed him and could immediately feel him retreated a few additional steps, increasing the space that kept them apart. 

"Don't you ever touch me again" I muttered through clenched teeth. 

Botan noticed that he took the time to pronounce each and every word. She inched closer "Why huh? Are you gay?" 

I stared blankly and remained silent. 

To witness another explosion of his anger was what she expected, but nothing came out as a result. She took a step back when he parted his lips... 

"... What are you talking about onna? ... What does that mean?" 

As much as she wanted to remain serious, Botan couldn't help but erupt into a bowl of laughter "Are you kidding me? hahahaha" 

"Damn it onna, I asked for an explanation. I didn't wish to hear your stupid laughter" I spoke bitterly. 

She frowned and crossed her arms "And why should I tell you?" 

"Because you want to go home" 

"Yeah right, like you'd let me" 

"Don't play with fire onna, you might get burn" 

"Gosh! Stop calling me onna!! I have a name!" she threw her arms up desperately in the air. 

"Fine fine, what is it?" I sighed impatiently. 

"The name is Botan. Remember it" 

"Alright. Now tell me" 

"Tell you what?" 

"Don't you dare play with my nerves onna!" I clenched my fists tightly and took a step forward. 

"I just told you my name, why don't you use it?! Arg!" she sighed, but a gleam suddenly entered her brown eyes. "Fine. If you don't want to say my name, then tell me yours" she smirked. 

I kept my lips sealed and gulped the lump in my throat. 

"So? You want to know or not?" she sighed. 

I took a deep breath... "Kurama..." 

Botan smiled softly at his name. 

I cleared my throat, telling her to answer my earlier question. 

"Gay means that you are attracted to the same sex..." she said quickly and watched his expression turn to... madness. Her mind was telling her to run but her legs wouldn't unfortunately budge. 

"I can't believe such word came out of your filthy mouth! How dare you say such thing to me?! I am tired of your foolish sayings and annoying presence!" I cried out. 

Botan felt her eyes suddenly burn with tears as they slowly streamed down her face. He found her annoying? She was a disturbance to him? "If I am such a bother, just let me leave this place!!" she screamed through her tears. 

"I don't want to keep you here any longer either! Go to sleep, you're going to leave tomorrow!" 

She covered her mouth with her hand, forbidding her cries to be heard and ran into the cabin, slamming the door behind her. She didn't understand why his words made her react in such a way, but she didn't want to know.  He could just go to Hell for all she cared.

How long have I stayed there, watching that little house? I didn't know... I couldn't deny the fact that unlike the first time, her tears had made my heart squeeze painfully... It was something I wished I never felt... just like I wished I had never met her... The truth was that she wasn't annoying... nor disturbing, but I couldn't keep her here, as I knew her presence nearby would change the meaning of my existence...


	4. Tears

A/N : I made a few changes to chapter 3, so I recommend you guys to go over it once again ^^' Sowwie heheh Enjoy!

Disclaimer : Standard disclaimers applied

**Snow Dust Petals Beneath the Falling Rain  
Chapter 4**

I couldn't sleep that night, with so many thoughts clouding my mind. How that woman could bring so many changes in such a short period of time scared me. I never knew how it felt to fear something before, until now, until her… It wasn't what she said, nor did, but… but what? Those strange feelings she evoked in me? I raised my eyes to the dark sky and prayed that she wasn't crying any longer… I quickly closed my eyes shut and clenched my fists. Again. That feeling. Those words. Where did they come from? Why did they pain me so much? I gulped the lump that had formed in my throat and lowered my head… She must leave. I ignored the stab of sadness that came with that thought. I wanted to laugh at myself. Sadness. Anger. Joy. Those emotions were never present before. Why now? Why her? I sighed deeply. I would never understand… I lay back on the grass and folded my hands beneath my head. I must try to sleep or I would become insane by trying to sort out everything in my mind… Sleep. It was like a salvation to me right now…

Each sob made her body jerk with its intensity and pain that it carried… With her face buried in the pillow to soften her cries, she didn't understand why she couldn't stop crying, when that despicable man finally gave her what she wanted. Going home to her mother. Leading a peaceful life like before. Before she met him. Her hand suddenly rolled into a fist, grabbing the material of the pillow tightly. Her body seemed to rock even harder as fresh warm tears made their way down her cheeks, onto the already soaked pillow. 

"Before I met him…" she whispered brokenly to herself. "Why am I crying?"

Botan was still confused at her own response to the words he spoke earlier. Maybe she got used to having him around, and was actually beginning to like him? That was probably the reason.

"Probably" she spoke aloud.

She hiccupped and raised herself from the bed. She bit her trembling lip and wiped her tears away. Her eyes wandered to the opened window, where she caught a glimpse of his lying form, stretched on the soft healthy green grass.  Her legs had a will of their own as they brought her closer to the window. Botan placed the palms of her hands upon the frame and took in the sight of him… He was lying on his back with one hand supporting his head, the other resting on his stomach and with one drawn up leg. He looked totally relaxed, but no soul but his was aware of the turmoil of unknown emotions raging inside him. She noticed that his face was turned towards the sky, that his eyes were closed, that his chest rose whenever he inhaled and exhaled, that… Her hands quickly went to each side of her head, covering her ears as she lowered her eyelids and kept them closed tightly. Her fingers curled into her hair to form small fists.

"Why?" she said to herself softly. "Why am I noticing such… such details?"

She felt the tears threatening to come back as her confusion and frustration surfaced. She blinked several times to clear her vision, and she couldn't help but cast her eyes back to him… So mysterious, so cold, but yet so beautiful… Beautiful. What a word to describe a man. 

"But then, I can't find another word…" she told herself.

Assuming he had already drifted off to sleep, she moved away from the window and went to pull the door open, stepping out into the night. She slowly started to walk towards his still figure. She didn't know why she was doing this. Why she wanted to be near him… why she wanted to remember his face before she left tomorrow… Her feet came to a halt a few inches away from him and she looked down at his profile as she sat next to his unmoving body…

I had noticed her presence before she even reached me… Her scent had filled my nostrils ever since she opened that door. The scent of roses that I liked beyond reason… Odd that I never paid attention to it before… Even stranger that I was, right at this moment… She might carried that familiar scent, but it was somehow different… Perhaps it was because it was coming from a person and not from flowers or my flute… Too busy analyzing her scent, I didn't gave a second thought when she opened the door as to what she was planning to do, until she sat next to me… My heart doubled its pace, but I tried to remain still as the thought that she probably assumed I was asleep, came into my mind. But pretending to be asleep was proven to be a hard task, what with her being so close… what with her smell becoming more and more intoxicating… 

She gazed down into his face silently… memorizing its curves, its perfection... From his eyebrows to his chin, without overlooking his closed eyelids, his nose and lips… He was not just beautiful, she realized, but devastatingly so… 

"Kurama…" she breathed his name softly upon her lips.

Her fingers itched to travel down his cheek and across his clean-shaven jaw as her eyes remained on his face for what seemed like an eternity. She slowly raised her hand towards his face, but before it came in contact with his skin, it suddenly paused. She knew that if she acted out on impulse and actually touched him, she would disturb his sleep and be discovered. Her nails lightly scraped her palm as her hand closed into a fist. But only a few seconds passed, before her fist opened and her fingertips slowly approached his forehead… However, instead of touching his skin, she trailed the tips of her fingers down the length of the scarlet locks that had fallen on his forehead. 

It was only a gentle and light caress done to nothing else but my hair… Then why? Why did every part of me felt that touch? That gentleness? A sudden yearning tugged at my heart, making it squeezed painfully… but I had to fight it down. I just couldn't give in… I just couldn't extend my hand to her face and gently stroke her cheek while gazing into her eyes to look for something that would deliver me, could I? I didn't know where that yearning came from, but it was misplaced… For someone like myself, it was forbidden to yearn for something such as this. Something such as touching this woman's flesh, when I lived for only one purpose… Was she sent to me as a temptation to test me? Foolish. I was just being foolish. She was just a human being. Nothing more, nothing less… I realized how stupid that thought was as soon as it was out. She wasn't a simple earthling. If she was, I wouldn't be here fighting some strange yearnings and drowning myself in an ocean of foreign emotions… If she was, the walls I carefully built around me would still be standing proudly… Never in my entire existence had I felt this weak, this… vulnerable. And it was frightening: because of her, all because of her. If I knew that helping a mere woman would lead to this torment, this pain, this… I didn't want to continue, as I knew where my reasoning would drift off to at the end… Freed from thoughts for a brief instant, my mind registered the fact that the woman hovering at my side was no longer moving…

She had stopped stroking his hair when she saw his face tensed. If she was not gazing so intently at his face, she would have missed it, as quick and slight the change occurred. She wondered for a moment if he was really asleep. She hoped and prayed that he was. Botan kept her hands close to her heart and waited. But he didn't stir nor move. She let out a little sigh of relief. He probably had a nightmare, she thought naively. The corner of her lips lifted into a smile with that thought. She just couldn't imagine that man having nightmares, when he was the one scaring people with his attitude. Her smile suddenly vanished and a frown wrinkled her brows. Had he met a lot of people? Had he saved other women before her? She didn't like the sound of the latter, not at all. 

"Kur--" she quickly put her hands over her mouth and turned her body away from him. She couldn't believe she was actually going to ask him whether or not he had saved other women! Her hands dropped to her side and she slowly turned her head to look at him over her shoulder. Was it jealousy she just felt? Inch by inch, she started to distance herself from him, shaking her head all the while. "No…" she whispered faintly. She slowly stood up, her eyes still glued to him. She blinked once… twice, and tears began to pour down her rosy cheeks. She kept pacing backward, the movement of her head, shaking from left to right, still present. "NO!" she let out abruptly, and turned around to run inside the cabin. She let herself fall on the bed and buried her tear-streaked face in the pillow. Her head ached. Her body trembled. Her throat tightened. Her heart bled. She knew. She finally knew why her tears had been shed, why she wanted to look at him for the last time, and why she wanted to touch his face… But it couldn't be… She didn't… How? "I hate you…" she spoke through her broken sobs and as if to convince herself even more, she repeated the words more forcefully. "I HATE YOU!" But with those words came more tears, came more sorrow and heartache…

My lids lifted slowly and the sight of the moonless sky greeted me. I exhaled deeply and I closed my eyes once again for a few moments… I got up from my current position to a sitting one and drew up both of my legs to rest my elbows on them. My head fell forward and one hand came up to cover my face. That single word still resounded in my head. The echo never fading, never hinting that it would vanish any time soon… I didn't understand why. Why she had screamed out that word all of a sudden. Why it had contained, what seemed like a lifetime of anguish and misery… I had and still felt the intensity of that one word, and that, to my own dismay. My pulse still raced. My heart still ached. I wanted to know the reason of her distraught, but as my face felt the breeze brushing against my skin and my ears also took in the muffled cries that it carried, I abandoned the thought of going up to her and demand an explanation. Demand. A mocking sound escaped from my lips as I realized the word 'demand' had slipped into my mind. If I went to her, she would probably throw something at me and _demand_ that _I_ get out… I looked over my shoulder and saw that there was still a dim light cast by the flame of a candle inside the cabin. I closed my eyes then, and listened to the night… The whistling of the wind, the rustling of the leaves… My hearing sense continued to be alert, searching for a particular sound that was present a while ago. But as the seconds turned into minutes, I finally concluded that she had fallen asleep for her cries no longer mingled with the wind… A part of me wanted to walk through that door, but the other screamed warnings inside my head. I didn't know what to do. I let myself fall back on the grass and placed the back of my hand against my forehead. Seeing nothing but darkness with my eyes closed, I started to reflect upon the reasons why I _should not_ go take a look at her.  She was a shrew. She was a disturbance. She humiliated me. She complicated my existence. She made me laugh. My eyes shot open as my last thought sunk in. I swallowed with pain and admitted defeat. With a sigh, I stood up and slowly made my way toward the cabin. Each step hesitant, each step uncertain… My hands balled into fists as a sudden anger began to envelop my being. Why did that woman had to govern every step I made? Why did that woman had to be in every thought I reflected upon? My hand gripped the doorknob and turned it. I hadn't realized I was holding my breath, until I pushed the door opened and stepped inside… The anger locked inside of me vanished in the blink of an eye at the sight of her… She was curled up into a ball on the bed with her hands clasped together against her heart. With each step made to distance myself from the door, I noticed that her body trembled slightly. It must be the chilly air, I thought. Absentmindedly, I grabbed the blanket at the foot of the bed and covered her body. But as I drew it up to her chin, I saw something I shouldn't have… Something that made me felt a stab of pain directly to my heart, and dropped the blanket to kneel at her side… The tears stains on her cheeks and her spiky lashes were tangible proofs that she had cried herself to sleep… Why? I frowned at the sleeping woman, knowing I would never get an answer to that one-word question. I turned my head toward the door, thinking that it was time to go back now. But as I started to rise, a soft sound halted me. A hiccup: a blow to my resistance. Staring intently at her facial features, I only seemed to register the tears stains, dampening her cheeks. A hand suddenly approached her face and a thumb slowly and softly dried away the remaining of her tears… My eyes watched that hand… and widened as it dawned on me that, that hand was my very _own_, that it belonged to _me_. I staggered backward and a look of horror crossed my face. _I_ just dried away her tears? _I_ just touched her face? NO! I didn't! I scrambled to my feet and hastily exited the cabin. Running toward the lake, I didn't pause until the water reached my waist. And dove in. Pinching my eyes shut, blocking out all thoughts, I remained underwater until my lungs burned with the need to be fill with air. Resurfacing, I took big gulps of air. Hungrily. Greedily. The emotions inside me still raging, still tormenting… 

"WHY!" I cried out to the Heavens. "What did I do to deserve such treatment? Is this another punishment you think I deserve?" Controlled by nothing else than my anguish and anger, I no longer cared who heard me, especially that stupid woman. This was all her fault! **Hers**! Nothing could shatter my composure before, nothing! My eyes darted to the cabin, where she was. Getting out of the lake, I walked in direction of it. I kicked the door opened, hoping that it would wake her, but as I paced forward, I noticed that she was already awake. Staring back at me.

The awful cry she heard had stirred her from her slumber and made her alert. But before she could even stand up, the door was kicked open and **he** entered. Wet from head to toe. She could do nothing but stare, as she wondered what had he done to himself. But when she noticed the murderous look on his face, her heart began to race, and found herself scooting backward… to bump into the wall… Cornered. Trapped.

"Wh-what do you want?" she managed to say, hoping the fear she felt wasn't showing in her voice. She watched as he drew himself nearer, and squeezed herself even more against the wall.

"Get up!" I lashed out, and watched her flinched at my tone. Good.

Reluctantly and hesitantly, her feet came in contact with the floor and she stood up. She knew it was in the best of her interests if she obeyed, what with his mood being inexplicably unpleasant. She could claw at him later.

With a finger pointing toward the door, I continued "Out." A frown quickly replaced the fearful one on her face as I pronounced that word. But she did as I ordered.

She was beginning to find him weird, instead of frightening. Why did he want her to get outside at this hour? She had to ask him. She turned around, but before she could get a word out of her mouth, he pointed out the forest.

With that implacable expression of his, Botan watched as his mouth formed and expelled one word. "Go."

"WHAT?" He must be insane! She must have heard and understood him wrong! He didn't want her to go back home on her own, in the middle of the night, did he?

"Are you deaf?! I told you to go!"

"But you said you would escort me back on the morrow!"

"I changed my mind. I want you to get out of my sight! Now. Tonight. Alone. Is that understood?" I spoke with bitterness and contempt. 

She cringed at what his voice carried. She fought back the tears that wanted to be released from her eyes and bit her bottom lip. Why was he acting this way? Didn't he have at least an ounce of compassion in his cold demeanor? Her gaze remained fixated on him, pleading him without words for a reason, an explanation…

I directed my glance elsewhere; couldn't bear see what her eyes beheld. I waited. Waited for her to step out of my domain, out of my life… 

Her legs didn't want to move. Her eyes didn't want to look away. Was this the last image she would have of him? Turned away after casting her out? Her lids closed and one tear silently slipped down… Her hands moved to her heart, feeling it fall slowly apart, bit by bit, piece by piece… "Thank you…" she whispered as her final words, not knowing if he heard them or not. But she didn't care. She no longer did… Giving him her back, she breathed deeply and gradually made her way toward the forest, where its darkness would soon engulfed her…

I stood rotten on the spot and clenched my fists forcefully until the knuckles turned white. I shut my eyes tightly and fought the urge to go after her. She said 'thank you'… She pronounced those words after I unfeelingly threw her out in the night, told her to find her own way back home… My throat constricted agonizingly. Unbearably. My fists clenched and unclenched, as I battled for a decision. A sudden scream tore the silent of the night, tore through the haze of my thoughts.

"Onna!" overwhelmed with panic, I raced into the forest, with only one goal in my mind. Saving her.


	5. Realization

A/N : That's right, I'm not dead lols I'm sorry for not updating in so long but I will finish the story during winter break )

Disclaimer : Standard disclaimers applied.

Snow-dusted Petals Beneath the Falling Rain

Chapter 5

Botan held onto her bleeding arm as she kept her eyes glued on the two wolves facing her. With their fangs exposed, she could clearly see their saliva, indicating that they intended to turn her into their next meal. Their persistent growling and intimidating presence frightened her, making her step backward continuously. She was scared, but furious as well. Furious at the person who put her in this predicament, who was responsible for her fright and injury. She vowed to make him pay, that is, if she was lucky enough to survive through this.

Her retreat was stopped short as her back bumped into a tree trunk. The thought that she was now trapped sent her head spinning, her blood curling. The ugly beasts were just a few feet before her, slowly advancing. Her eyes darted downward, quickly searching the ground for a weapon. She found a fallen branch and picked it up, gripping it with both hands. One of the wolves paced forward and howled. Shivers ran up her spine, but she tried to boost her courage. "Come on! If you attack me I'll take a swing at your damn head!" Unexpectedly, the animal lunged at her, taking her down with it. A scream dislodged from her throat as she fell, her head hitting against the trunk. With the wolf above her and darkness enveloping her mind, one thought filtered through the haze. She was going to die. Without seeing her mother. Without making him pay. A single tear rolled down her cheek as a flash of thunder appeared before her eyes before her lids shut completely.

I looked down at her sleeping form and sighed heavily. It was as if we were back at the beginning. My rescuing her, tending her wounds while she was unconscious, but I knew something was different this time. I were aware I weren't as detached as before. That this time, it was my fault. That knowledge didn't please me, but it was the truth. The ugly truth that I were heartless enough to send a woman away at night. I clenched my fists and closed my eyes, turning my head away.

My lids lifted and I glanced back at her. As much as I felt guilty, that feeling didn't compare to the one that was beginning to overwhelm me. I were a heartless being. I was cold. I had always been. Then why is it bothering me now? Were I changing because of this one small woman? Impossible.

I stood from my seat and moved toward the bed where she lay. My heart had raced when I saw her blood-covered arm, my soul had cried at the sight of her still form beneath the beast. I did not understand and I was tired of all the 'why's that had come along with her. Once again, the thought that she had to leave seemed the best solution. For me and for her. I would go on as before and she would be with her mother as she wished. I nodded to myself determinedly. My mind only took in the determination I felt, rejecting the other intruding thoughts and feelings.

I pulled the blanket up to her chin and saw her stir. I immediately withdrew to the window, gazing outside but seeing nothing.

She let out a small groan as darkness faded and brightness shone through. The back of her head ached, but her hand moved to her injured arm to feel the cloth binding it. Her vision cleared and almost instantly, she saw **him**. Standing proudly before the window, his back to her with his hands clasped. 'I'm not dead.' Relief washed over her with that thought. But as she began to think that she was alive because he saved her, she became angry. What was wrong with this man? He was the one who pushed her toward danger, but he had the guts to rescue her at the last minute? Blinded by anger, she didn't question the 'how', only contented herself with the 'why'. Though heated as she was, she remained wordless, punishing him with her silence.

She had regained consciousness, I knew. But why wasn't she lashing out at me? That was very odd. I hesitated to face her, finding myself cowering at the prospect of coming face to face with her unsleeping self. Coward? But I was no coward. Frowning at the implication of my uncertainty, I twirled around to prove myself wrong. The sight of her sitting form among white sheets filled my vision. I groaned inwardly at what that picture provoked in me; the realization that the woman was gifted with a natural beauty that shone amidst everything else, despite conditions and circumstances. I shook my head to clear the thoughts and saw her confused look. Mixed with rage. The corner of my lips lifted and I stepped closer.

"Awake, I see. How do you feel?"

She turned her head away.

Annoyed, I decided to tempt her anger. "You do like to hit your head, don't you? This is the second time. I am not a healer that is always at your disposition onna." I saw her grip the sheets tightly and smirked. "I should have known that you couldn't take care of yourself. I guess I overestimated you."

Her eyes flew to his face at his last words and her mouth gaped open in indignation. The guts of him to say such things! Was he trying to provoke her temper?

I watched as she threw the blanket away and stood to slowly advance toward me. Each step menacing, each stride threatening. She stopped a pace before me. And then, venom she spat. "Overestimated me? If sending me off to be wolves' prey was your idea of seeing if I met your expectations or not, then you are nothing but an unfeeling bastard! How could you? How could you put the blame on me while you are the one at fault! Who threw me out last night? Who!" Tears of fury sprang from her eyes to stream down her cheeks, adding an unwanted touch of vulnerability to her raging resentment.

A sudden knot formed in my chest and found myself evading her gaze, her tears. My throat constricted out of guilt and remorse. I couldn't find my voice to speak the words that would calm her, words that one would describe as apology. As much as I knew I was wrong, I was not the type to apologize. I simply hadn't done an apology to someone in my entire subsistence. No more words were spoken as I continued to look down, the sound of her harsh breathing filling the air…

Botan could feel her head starting to pound painfully. She raised her fists to her temples and pressed hard, trying to subdue the insistent throbbing. Despite her efforts, the headache didn't fade but only intensified. A small whimper escaped from her lips against her will and she closed her eyes tightly. She prayed he would go away and leave her be. She was too tired to argue with him any longer and feeling as if someone was hammering inside her head wasn't helping. As sudden as it was, she felt fingers wrapped gently around her wrists and pulled them away from each side of her head. She opened her eyes to see him standing in front of her, expressionless as ever.

"Don't." I heard myself say. I released her immediately and stepped back. "You should know better than to do that when having a headache. I'll leave you alone now." Without waiting for a reaction from her, I turned around, marching toward the door. I, however, halted at the doorframe and peered over my shoulder, "The burden is already on my shoulders. Putting the blame where it really belongs won't make me crumble," and I exited.

She stared after him, dumbfounded. She didn't understand. Was that his way of apologizing to her? That jerk. She brushed away her tears furiously and returned to the comfort of the bed, between snowy sheets. He wasn't worth thinking about, but she will get him to say the words. One way or another. As her lids grew heavy, one startling thought penetrated through her sleepy mind. How on Earth did he manage to save her from the fierce animals without suffering a single scratch?

Darkness had descended upon the forest, obscuring my surroundings, but the moon's light proved to be sufficient, allowing my view to extend beyond the lake before me. Even though trees were what were found in my line of vision, it wasn't what I saw, what filled my head.

She hadn't come out to bother me since I left her by herself. It was a relief, but somewhat odd. Maybe it was because she had accepted my apology. It was the best I could come up with for it was the first time such thing was required of me and I hope, the last. Everything will be back to normal tomorrow, after I escort her back to her home, to her awaiting mother. Lying on my back, with a vision of stars offered to my view, I still could not shake images of her out of my mind. The beauty that possessed a violent temper beneath the fragile and soft exterior. The child-woman that had managed to make an unchanging man feel. Feel unwanted emotions, but that wasn't where the importance resided. As strong as she could seemed, she was still a woman. And a woman was subjected to tears, I, being unfortunate enough to witness that weakness. At more than one occasion, in fact. She wasn't the first woman I met, but the previous ones were unlike her in more than one way. However, she was the first that managed to reach through something that used to be unbreakable. Merely by being there, within the perimeters of my mind, of my body.

Restless, I surrendered to Morpheus' spell that kept beckoning me, trying to lure me into his world. As peaceful and quiet that land could be, my senses told me that wherever I may be, conscious or not, those upsetting thoughts and feelings would keep haunting me. I were honest enough to admit that something had gotten under my skin. Or simply, someone.

The candle flickered out as the first signs of dawn showed up, bringing with them the cool morning breeze. The curtains parted under the gentle pressure, revealing a sleeping woman to the awakening day while just the night before, they shielded her from darkness' wandering glances.

The door creaked softly as I pushed it open and stepped inside. I moved my lips to speak, to rouse her from her sleep but what echoed back to my ears was an imperfect hush. I had waited for this moment, longed for it. Why couldn't I say the words that would be the beginning of the end of my distress now? Why was it so hard? Infuriated with myself, I slammed my fist against the closed door without further thoughts.

Jerked away from her dreamless sleep, she awoke with a start. A little disoriented, it took a few seconds before her vision cleared to show the male figure standing a few feet away from the bed, his back turned to her. The way he hung his head forward between his shoulders and held his fists tightly high above told her something was wrong.

"Are you alright?" she asked hesitantly.

My head whipped around at the sound of her voice and my fury spoke, "I will be, once you get home."

Surprise registered in her eyes as my words sunk in. Something flashed in her brown orbs, but before I could discern what it was, it disappeared as quickly as it came. I felt nothing when she directed her gaze elsewhere and nodded slowly. Nothing…

My strides were long and purposeful as I led the way through the forest, with the woman trailing behind. At how many feet behind, I did not know for I did not bother to look back even once since we started our journey. The calloused way I were treating her earned no protest from her. In fact, no words at all. As I reflected upon it, I slowed my pace to a brisk walk. I then realized that nothing was disturbing my peace of mind, that emptiness gnawed at my soul. Just like before. Just as it had always been. I closed my eyes in blissful contentment, and for the first time in so long, the air I breathed didn't seem to be suffocating.

She dragged her steps as she followed him steadily. She had been afraid that he would look back and witness the pitiful condition she might be reduced to, but as he continued on without sparing a single glance backward, she no longer restrained the chagrin she felt within. It came in a deluge of tears without sound, without strength. She wiped them away as they flowed down, wishing to have no clinging proof of the pain one man could inflicted upon her soul.

'Mama, I should have never ventured out. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…'

Thoughts drifting to her mother, she paid no heed to the man in front of her, to the fact that he had halted. And so, she marched straight into him.

I groaned annoyingly as I felt a small body smack against my back. Giving her a harsh glare, I asked, "Is that your home onna?" pointing to the house in the near horizon.

Before she could retorted back in answer to his glare and sudden stop, her eyes followed his arm. At the sight of her home, she gasped delightfully and ran toward it without delay, leaving him behind for he had momentarily eclipsed from the depths of her mind.

I stood rotten on my spot. Though briefly blinded by the genuine smile I had witnessed, the redness in the eyes of the woman that had fled didn't go unnoticed. Gripping firmly on my flute, I didn't know if I should advance furthermore or turn on my heels and return to my sanctuary with no words of parting. My mind told me to flee, but I were no coward. Pride were what brought me down the road in direction of the house. Pride alone.

Finding myself a short distance away, my legs no longer moved. "What is the use of such words between two beings at odds?" I asked myself. "No use at all." I twirled around and began retracing my steps.

"Mama!"

At the sound of her anguished and broken voice, however, my lower limbs took a turn and hurried into the house.


	6. Grief

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies.

**EDIT: Oops, I put brown eyes instead of purple, forgive me for the mistake hehe This story is going to end in 2 more chapters. Don't forget that the genre is Romance/Fantasy D  
**

**Snow-dusted Petals Beneath the Falling Rain**

**Chapter 6**

What I beheld, as soon as I passed through what had seemed to be the small living room, halted me abruptly. Standing a few feet away from the open doorway leading to a bedroom, I witnessed the dejected figure of the woman on the ground, her body rocking from the force of her painful cries. And in her arms, lay a motionless body.

Botan hugged her mother's body tightly against her, as the endless tears that streamed down her face no longer seemed to be mere water drops, but blood pouring from her shattered heart. "Okaasan…" Trembling, she eased her mother's face away from the crook of her arm and gazed down at her pale and cold, yet serene features. Tenderly, she brushed the back of her fingers against her cheek. Her tears dripped from her cheeks onto her mother's face and she shut her eyes tightly. Once again, she cradled her body against her tightly as a tortured sound escaped from her parted lips. She cried shamelessly, painfully, leading herself to emotional exhaustion.

I stood there, watching her. Every broken sound made me step closer; shortened my shallow breath. My hand rose to my chest, making a fistful of my own shirt. My grip tightened viciously on its own as the scene before my eyes sunk deeper into my mind, the pressure of my grip piercing through my untamed heart. I abruptly turned my head away, refusing to acknowledge the truth. But as much as I wanted to deny it, the guilt that washed over me, drowning me in its shame, did not spare my being an inch of mercy. Damned. They said my soul was damned but I had never believed it. Until now.

Her body suddenly stiffened as she sensed a presence behind her. She knew who it was. She still trembled but it was no longer sadness that shook her body so, but an overwhelming fury. Steadying herself, she gently placed the body she held on the floor and closed her eyes shut.

Although I had no rights to advance closer to her, to talk to her, that's still what my foolish self did. Knelt behind her, I was surprised to find that my voice hadn't desert me "Onna-" That was the only word I managed to place in before I was caught unaware with her violent display of antipathy. A resounding slap that managed to snap my head sideway, leaving the sting and mark behind as evidences. I remained still and as she hurled the damning accusation at me, every word tore at me more than a thousand slaps would have.

"You murderer!" Botan spat the words at his profile, panting with uncontrolled hatred and animosity.

I slowly turned to face her, taking in the tears that flowed and clung, the loathing, the pain but also the weariness. It was there, lurking in her eyes, hiding behind that anger she displayed. I knew she was ready to collapse. "Onna…"

"Don't you dare talk to me! God, how I hate you! Are you happy now? It's all your fault! You killed my mother! All because of you, I have no one left!" her cry ended with a broken sob that shook her small frame. She hugged herself, her head hung low and she wept.

I was completely helpless and clueless as to what to do. But I could not bear to see her in such miserable condition. I reached out to her, but like a frightened child, she jumped back and hit my hands away. "Go away!" But I could not. And I told her so. "I won't leave you like this." She raised her eyes to me then. I wished she hadn't. Tortured as it may be, it still managed to make me feel like the lowest being to ever walk this earth. As if it wasn't enough, a smile soon accompanied it. An empty smile that chilled my soul. "Why? You couldn't wait to get rid of me, and now you want to stay?" the smile vanished "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU BASTARD!" And with her words, came her hands.

She pushed him with all her remaining strength, earning a startling look from him as he lost his balance and fell back. Her small victory was short lived however, when she felt him grab her, taking her along in his fall. A small groan escaped from his lips as she landed on top of him, knocking the breath out of him, her forearms between them.

Silence fell as she lay there, without showing any effort to move. With her face hidden from me, I began to worry and wonder. "Onna?" I asked hesitantly. I started to move but froze instantly the moment I felt wetness seeping through my shirt. Hell.

Tired. She was so tired from everything. Her head started to pound and the mere task of swallowing became painful, but tears still fell. She was truly alone in this world now. Her mother was gone. "Okaasan, I'm sorry… I should have never left you alone. Please take me with you…" she cried to herself, her voice a faint whisper.

For the first time of my existence, I wished I could just vanish. Disappear completely from the surface of the Earth. Even the event that had led to my seclusion hadn't affected me half as much. Questions kept piling up, when what I desperately needed was answers. Then as sudden as the rain pouring down from a clear blue sky, her arms crept up to wind themselves around my shoulders.

Completely drained and wearied, she didn't give a second thought as to who lay beneath her. The feel of another being's warmth was too much for her to resist, to ignore. As her vision started to blur and darkness slowly found its way to her, the thought that her mother had come to take her entered her mind, making her body pliable above the unwanted pillar of strength. But before she surrendered herself, she felt a pair of arms encircling her body, awkward but gentle in its hesitancy…

* * *

Along with consciousness, came the realization that she was still breathing. That she was lying on her bed. Alone. And one thought pierced through. 

Her mother.

Stumbling out of bed, she ignored the wave of dizziness that came with her jerky movements and ran toward her mother's bedchamber to find it empty. Did she have a bad dream then? No. If it was just a nightmare, she would have still found her mother here. And alive. She proceeded to search in every room but to find them all vacant of any human presence. Though agitated, she refused to succumb to hysteria. As she remained motionless when everything around her started to spin inexplicably, the sound of a melody drifted to her. Despite her lightheadedness, she followed the soothing notes who led her to the back of the house, where her rose garden was located. And there he stood, with his flute to his lips. But what caused her eyes to widen and made her shout her denial was what lay a few feet away from him. One rose resting on the small pile of dirt. Its width and height were significant enough to know what could be found six feet under.

I simply stood there, like a stupid fool, refusing to lower my instrument to put a stop to what I was doing. It was all I could do. And that was probably why I let myself be knocked off my feet, the flute flying out of my hands as my body came in contact with the dirt-covered ground.

"God, what have you done!" she screamed at me, throwing the rose I placed upon her mother's burial place at my face. The thorns almost blinded me but I still could not summon my anger to defend myself. This numbness I was feeling was unlike anything I've felt before. Maybe it was better if I forever stayed in this state. Then I wouldn't surrender to any peculiar urges. Like yesterday.

A glance toward the woman, however, shook me out of my indifference. I've never imagined that the death of her mother could drive her mind toward insanity. But here she was, proving me wrong by digging through the earth with her bare hands right before my own eyes. I was by her side in a flash.

"Onna! Are you daft? What the hell do you think you're doing? Stop it!" I bellowed, trying to stop her.

Her palm cracked against my cheek. "Who told you to bury her? You have no right! God, the sight of you disgust me!" she continued to remove the dirt, unfaltering in her quest to reach her mother's corpse.

Her last words made me flinched, but there was no way in Hell I'd let her carry on with her madness; even if I would earn another black mark against my soul by hurting her, even if I'd have to touch her. I immediately gripped her upper arms tightly before I lost the battle against cowardice and shook her frail form until she looked at me, her revulsion as tangible as her tears. "Even if you dig her out, what would it serve you? She's gone, woman. Gone!" I hadn't intended to shout that last word but the vision of her bloody knuckles had been my undoing. The glazed look in her eyes that followed that statement made me regret my outburst.

"You know that more than me, don't you? She's gone because of you after all. If you haven't kept me there, if you have just listened to me and let me go sooner, none of this would have happened. But even if such end was her fate, at least I would have been there beside her, holding her as she took her last breath. I'm not fit to be her daughter anymore and I guess it's a good thing that her soul is in Heaven while mine would be condemned in the fires of Hell because I failed in my duties as her only child. I let her die without anyone at her side, but I know my greatest sin was to let her have my welfare on her conscience as she drifted away!" My hands had slowly fallen away from her arms during her speech. However, it was now her turn to hold onto the front of my shirt, her grip fierce. "She cried on the day I left! I didn't know why, then! She tried to hold me back, she did, but I didn't listen! Oh God, kill me!" It was her turn to shake me, though it didn't last long. As abrupt as the shaking had stopped, she turned around and let herself fall on her mother's burial ground, her arms spread like an embrace in which her mother was enfolded.

It was not my pain, not my loss and not my tears. It was not me who was lying there on the earth, weeping endlessly and shaking from its force and intensity. And I wasn't the one stepping dangerously toward insanity.

But.

I was still the cause, nonetheless. I've never been told that knowing that oneself was at the source of a woman's misery could be this devastating. Excruciating. I raised my eyes to the sky. "This is it, isn't it?" I demanded from within, "The downfall that would bring me to my knees?" After taking one last glance at the shattered woman, I stood and went to retrieve my flute. Without breaking my stride, I simply walked away. "I'm stronger than that, do you hear me? I will not be broken by a mere woman that you had put in my path. Not now and not ever!" As unsteady as I might be, it didn't prevent me from turning my back on her and leave, letting her wallow in her own sorrow and anguish.

He was gone. He only grabbed his wretched flute and walked away. Good! Another whimper escaped from her lips. She told him to leave, shouted it even. She got what she wanted so why had her despair become two times greater? She didn't want a murderer by her side. A murderer whose touch she craved.

Her tears soon dampened the cool earth beneath her cheek, but she didn't notice. Nothing mattered anymore. Not the sky that roared above her head and neither the heavy rain that followed after hearing its cue. Each droplet seeped through her clothes, penetrated through her skin, chilled her bones and numbed the remaining pieces of her heart. Her lids lowered softly and she waited. Maybe this time, the thing that she had always hated would be the one to bring her salvation. She prayed it would.

* * *

Emerging from the waters, I walked to the shore and sat on its bank. Staring up at the moonlit sky, I felt the cool breeze finding its way through each strand of my soggy hair, brushing past liquid clear droplets that still clung to my bare skin. I didn't feel the coldness, not when my mind was flooded with curses at myself. To my own repugnance, I had turned into a pathetic being that could no longer keep his own words, especially when it concerned that cursed woman. The proof? She was back in my cabin, still unconscious and consumed by fever. That foolish woman had actually remained there, under the rainstorm, unmoving and soaked to the bones. She was not only crazy, but dim-witted as well. My breath ended in a deep sigh. What was I saying? I was the one who had lost his reason or I wouldn't have carried that bundle of nerves back to the place she now loathed. Why was I doing this, knowing full well that she'd wake up with a vengeance? Questions again. Irritated, I rubbed the heels of my palms against my eyes and let myself fall back, meeting the soft texture of the grass. 

I'll have to, once again, nurse her back to health. I should have known she would be another troublesome burden on my shoulders the first time I lay eyes on her. Ever since that day, I had done nothing but put up with her tantrums and weaknesses. But in the bargain, I had also been occasionally blinded by her smile and laughter, although those moments were seldom. And I resented them. No, that wasn't true. I only resented EVERYTHING that she did. I wanted to leave her in that garden, out cold under the rain. I wanted to hate her as much as she did for planting the seed of guilt in me. I wanted to abandon her and let Nature decide her Fate.

What a sad case I was.

Keeping on wanting, but not even capable of fulfilling one of those wants. I laughed bitterly. I was no better than that scum who now 'graced' my real home. I shouldn't spare that bastard a thought, for it was simply not worth it. I swiftly rose to my feet and marched in direction of the shelter. "Bothersome woman. I can't believe I'm saving you and what I'll get in return? Nastiness. I must be the lunatic." I sighed and braced myself for the task ahead. A task that I had no doubt would wear me out. And not just physically.

* * *

It hurt to be wrong, but even more so when the behavior I hadn't anticipated managed to let an ache settle in the center of my chest and spread its venom throughout the rest of my body. 

After endless days of delirium, her fever had broken. I had prepared myself for the tears, the insults and even the hits. However, none of those things happened. What opened its eyes and stared blankly through me was not a wildcat, as I expected, but an empty shell. After her recovery, she became a breathing corpse who spent every day and every night curled into a ball in the corner of the bed staring into emptiness. She didn't eat, didn't talk, despite my attempts at provoking her temper. It didn't take much time for that anger of mine to be real.

I had humbled myself by taking the time to bring her meal, and that enough should have been a sufficient reason for her to be grateful but once more, what I received in return was her unbearable indifference. Yet, what unleashed my rage was the way she turned away from me, as if the mere sight of me made her skin crawl, sickened her. Enough was enough!

In a swept of fury, I sent the tray of food crashing against the wall. She didn't move. Breathing heatedly, I walked down on her and grabbed her arm in a punishing grip and yanked her out of bed. "Come with me!" I commanded in a howl. She stumbled on the floor and made no effort to stand up. She wanted to be dragged? So be it!

From the floor, through the earth to the grass I pulled her limp body along in my wake. And without warning, I hauled her in the lake.

Crossing my arms against my chest and planting my feet apart, I waited; waited for her to surface, sputtering out not only water but curses as well. I waited in vain. Seconds ticked past quickly without a sight of her. She didn't let herself drown, did she? Damnation! I ran into the lake and dove underwater. I immediately spotted her curled form and swam toward her. Holding onto her waist, I brought us to the surface. I only had time to take a lungful of air before howling in pain. My hand went to my shoulder and I looked down. Teeth marks and blood. The woman bit me! My gaze jerked to her face to see her staring at me, murder flashing in her no-longer-lifeless purple eyes.

"You brat! Why did you bite me?" I bellowed in her face.

"You dumped me in the lake in the first place! Don't you know how cold the water is?" she countered my words in the same tone.

"Wretched woman! You're nothing but trouble!" I pushed her away and hurried out, distancing myself from her to disappear among the trees. It wasn't until I reached the familiar clearing that a realization struck me. She yelled at me. The corner of my lips lifted into a smirk but it dissolved quickly when the sting at my shoulder demanded my attention. "Senseless woman," I cursed beneath my breath.

Botan made her way out of the water and went to stand at the edge of the cluster of trees. "You deserved that bite, you cad! I hate you!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, hoping the wind would carry each of her word to his blasted ears. A thick silence fell after her shout, yet, she stayed put. And suddenly, her shoulders slumped forward. She swiveled around and moved back toward the cabin.

She wished he hadn't thrown her in the lake and in the process, managing to shake her out of that world she had sought comfort in, that world in which nothing mattered. There was no grief, no agony, no hatred… Being jerked awake, snatched away from that cocoon of tranquility had been difficult. So difficult that it made her lose her mind for a short moment, but that instant had been long enough to allow her to sink her teeth into his skin and draw blood. It had been a most satisfying and gratifying triumph, small though it was. And short-lived; simply because a traitorous thought had dared to infiltrate itself into her mind, magnifying her distress.

That hardhearted monster cared.

Letting herself fall carelessly on the bed, she reached for the pillow and hugged it against her bosom. Water seeped through the sheets and linens, but she didn't notice. She despised him for devastating her life and she will forever nurture that bitterness toward him.

Just above the earth and below the sky, thunder struck. Gray angry clouds collided and rumbled. Another rainstorm was forthcoming. At those sounds, Botan jerked from the bed and moved to the window. She groaned inwardly, but felt a spark of anger. "You didn't help me ease my pain, if you had, I would have forgiven you for causing my mother's illness. Now, you shall have my enmity until my dying day." As if the Heavens heard her vow, it growled even louder in protest and sent a bolt of lightning to hit the ground to express its displeasure. She paid it no heed. What preoccupied her was the whereabouts of a certain person, and that, to her own disgruntlement.

"Let him catch a chill and die!" she muttered with heat as she tugged the curtains closed against the rain, against everything.

* * *

Although words had not been exchanged, Botan felt that a truce had been made between them. 

He hadn't breathed out a single word to her since the day she bit him, and that was weeks ago. It was not as if they didn't cross paths. In fact, their gaze met more than once in a day and though she hated to admit it, she disliked this silence, this awkwardness that had settled between them. But while he bestowed this unnerving silence upon her, his actions were another matter altogether. He was still irritated with her, she knew, so why did he even bother to make sure she lacked nothing? However, what confused and enraged her were his instincts. He always seemed to know when she was hungry, what she needed, what she didn't. Blasted man. In spite of that, there was something else that bothered her tremendously; his behavior.

He usually could be found at the same spot and doing the same thing: by the lake, the flute at his lips. Botan had always been drawn to his melodies and he didn't seem to mind her presence by his side whenever he played. Each note, soothing yet strange and mystical. Just like its master. On the days the sky turned gray and roared, though, he often left the premises quietly after commanding her with his glare to stay inside the cabin. She thought nothing of it at first, but once his disappearance became an usual occurrence on rainy days, questions started filling her head. Where did he go? What did he do? Why? Those questions only served to bring forth other matters that she had buried in the back of her mind. After being in his company for months already, she was still clueless about him. Who was he, really? And why was he living alone in this godforsaken place, isolated from the world? Was his peculiar conduct related to everything? There was only one way to find out.

* * *

She felt as if the Heavens were smiling down on her as she rose from a sleepless night to be offered a view of the gloomy and dark sky. The exhaustion that had resulted from a night of tossing and turning was immediately forgotten. And so when the door opened and in, he stepped, she did the unimaginable. She smiled. A genuine smile that reached her eyes. And that was not all. 

"Good morning!" she chimed.

Water sloshed over the rim of the basin.

"Oh!" she rushed to take it from his hands. "Let me help with that." Another smile.

Finally breathing, I yanked it toward me, away from her. My movements brisk and curt, I placed the burden in my hands on the table, not mindful of the clatter it made and wasted no time in taking my leave.

Hands on her hips, she watched the door closed. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today! Or should I say grass?" she called out and giggled at her own jest.

It was only after I found myself far enough from her, without leaving the territory, that I realized my hands were shaking and that each puff of my breath was uneven. I groaned aloud. Was I this weak, this pathetic that the sight of a stupid smile managed to wreak havoc upon my composure? And what the hell was wrong with that woman today? The past weeks had been pure agony. Every time she was near, every time she stared at me thinking I wasn't aware of those stealing glances… Those 'every time' was what I dreaded because trying to keep a restraining hand on the unfamiliar urges that her very presence evoked had been the most difficult and agonizing task I've ever had the displeasure to do. That unreserved smile today had almost been the last straw. Almost. Heavens, help me; the uneasy feeling that had gnawed at me for the past few days returned full force. Warning me. But from what?

Everything eclipsed from the depths of my mind as I saw the flash of thunder in the sky. After throwing a quick glance toward the cabin to make sure the woman was where she was supposed to be, I marched into the forest where duty called.

Without losing sight of his retreating form, Botan discarded her shoes and exited the cabin. She waited a good moment after he vanished between the trees before following him. His strides were steady and sure, telling her without words that he was on familiar grounds. The tree trunks served as her concealing poles as he had actually looked back several times during the journey.

"Can't you keep on walking without looking back? Damn it," she cursed beneath her breath while she stood behind a tree. When she peaked behind her, he was nowhere in sight. Her jaw dropped open and her face distorted into an ugly scowl, but before she could scream out in frustration, the sound of his flute from somewhere nearby drifted to her ears. Her frown still in place, she followed the foreign eerie melody until she reached a clearing. And there in the center on a giant boulder, he sat. With his eyes closed and the flute between his fingers with his parted lips upon the instrument, he presented the picture of melancholy.

She couldn't move, couldn't breathe, even when the rain started to fall mercilessly above her head. She was captured. Enthralled. He didn't budge despite the heavy rain, but then, why should he when none of those droplets touched him?


End file.
